What Will It Say On Your Headstone?


You know what it’s going to say on my Headstone?

“Sandra excelled at being consistently inconsistent.”

Story of my LIFE right there. I have the best intentions of showing up regularly in so many areas of my life (like here on my blog). I think about it all the time. I come up with ingenious plans and foolproof strategies time and time again.  Alas, I end up being nothing but the poster girl for the old saying about ‘getting my ambitions mixed up with my capabilities’.


Well that’s a very good question.  The very question I happened to ask my therapist just the other day.

I was hoping for the Holy Grail of answers to put an end to my Husband’s long suffering endurance of bearing witness to my erratic commitment issues when it comes to the daily execution of life but sadly it was not to be.  The magic wand I hoped to be waved showering me in sparkly glitter while revealing solutions from enchanted thin air was not possible that day.


Instead, after much verbal purging on my behalf, we came up with one very real and quite plausible explanation.  My whole being is still really, really tired from all I’ve been through the last few years.  I wish it wasn’t so but it is what it is.  My mind and body are still on long service leave and have no interest in returning to high expectations, set by me myself and I, that also include unreasonable deadlines and ridiculous hours… not just yet… if ever.

So it looks like I’ll be swallowing many more medicinal spoonfuls of self-kindness and self-compassion for a little while to come.  This revelation leads nicely into what I wish to share with you next (even if I do say so myself!)

I am so incredibly honoured to be talking about how to create calm in your life with the lovely Gail over at Inspired Calm.  Gail has put together a wonderful bumper post titled 15 Proven Ways To Create Calm In Your Life by bringing together some incredibly inspiring women to share their top tips.  Being invited to participate and share along-side these remarkable women is a true privilege.  Thank you for the pleasure Gail.

So, make yourself a cuppa and pop on over to Gail’s place for a good read and a good dose of calm inspiration.

I’m curious – what do you think it will say on your headstone?

Do you need more calm in your life?

Let me know in the comments below.

Linking with Kylie Purtell for I Blog On Tuesday  and Denyse Whelan Blogs for  Life This Week.

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Did you miss reading my very personal story Soft Places and Honest Spaces? 

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  1. says

    I’m all for long service leave and giving ourselves a break.

    Oddly enough, I’m not having a headstone. If someone went against my wishes and gave me one, it would have a theme song I suspect. Right now it is ‘Losing My Religion’ by REM. That’s me in the spotlight, that’s me in the corner.

    • Sandra says

      “Trying to keep up with you and I don’t know if I can do it”. You haven’t said too much, maybe haven’t said enough. Yes you can… Never alone. (My take on the rest of the lyrics for you) Xx

  2. says

    I have thought about what it would say on my headstone and I really have no clue Sandra. I’ll need some time …oh hang about! Lol! It will most likely say something about my procrastination prowess! That’s IT!

    I am so pleased that you’ve made a breakthrough and posted this today! Well done you! And congratulations on being invited to collaborate and share your insights. I will definitely pop over and have a look. Just not right away hehe. But I will!

  3. says

    Mine will probably say something like: she came, she saw, she ate too much cake, she made it super awkward…

    I’m also rather erratic and ad hoc with all the things, especially blogging.

    I think your therapist is right. Breast cancer is a bitch on top of depression and anxiety. It really takes it out of you. Glad you’re slowly emerging from the clouds xo

    • Sandra says

      I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Cancer is a bastard and chemo is a bitch! Hope you are doing okay Ness. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  4. says

    I think my headstone, like my school reports, would say easily distracted. I start things with the best of intentions and then find something else I’d rather do instead! Plus like you after a challenging few years, I’m all for a bit of self kindness because I’m worth it… And so are you, lady! It’s great to have you back x

  5. Cat@lifethroughthehaze says

    I’m certain it won’t say that on your headstone Sandra. Baby steps and let go of the pressure, you will get your groove back, you have been through so much your brain is a powerful organ more so than we understand and it will allow you the space as the time becomes right xoxo

    • Sandra says

      Kind, wise words Cat! Let’s hope that ‘space’ shines brightly for us both. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  6. says

    Wow, What would go on my headstone? I’m hoping it would be something very Disney-esque like “Leanne believed that anything was possible” but it might actually read “Leanne died trying to create the impossible”. LOL.

    “My mind and body are still on long service leave” is a great way to describe where you’re at. Long service leave is not such a bad thing.

  7. says

    THIS resonates so much with me too.
    I hope you find your calm. I am feeling all the feels with you.

    I honestly have no idea.
    Yoda said, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’
    I must stop trying to do it all, I’m erratic and hopelessly chasing my tail all too often.

    • Sandra says

      Somtimes Trish I say to myself that I didn’t survive cancer to be putting up with this shit – so I down tools and take the slow road. I do only what is completely necessary and then sometimes I don’t even do that. Sometimes I just need to hit pause for a while and find a different perspective for a bit. Sometimes I just need to stop FULL STOP. Most times it helps. Love to you Trish. Xx 🙂

  8. says

    Well, firstly “she gave it a red hot go” …and that’s for you! Thanks for blogging again and linking up. I am not having a headstone but as an exercise in a self-compassion thing I had to write my eulogy as if written by another. THAT was interesting.
    I say this “give yourself the time you need to do or be what you need” because i have learned this the hard way too. Pleasing others and pleasing ourselves is something to fine tune. You will be fine but on your own terms and in your own time! I’m chuffed you linked up for my Monday link up “Life This Week”. Denyse x

    • Sandra says

      Such a lovely comment Denyse, thank you! Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting precious time doing what I need to do and being what I need to be – then I hear my own words that I have shared with others echoing back at me “You can’t start from where you want to be, you can only start from where you are at”. Thanks for stopping by Denyse. 🙂 Xx

  9. says

    I’m not sure what mine will say, maybe “What she loved, she LOVED” I’m always telling my husband to work less as his tombstone wont read “bloody hard worker, nice looking paddocks” haha! I hope you get your calm on and enjoy xx

    • Sandra says

      Keep reminding him Jo! Being a farmer’s daughter and wife I can realte to the satisfaction of nice looking paddocks, lol! Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  10. Majella Laws says

    Hmmm … I think my children would inscribe my headstone thus: She read; She read while the toast burned; She read as the trapped cord became part of the toasted sandwiches. She Read; Amen.
    (So good to see a post from you Sandra …. )

    • Sandra says

      Too funny Majella! Mine could also read “She typed and typed and read and read as dinner burned and burned”. Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx

  11. says

    Unreasonable deadlines and ridiculous hours are pure folly, I’ve discovered. For some reason we are tricked in to thinking that this gruelling work schedule will empower us and make us feel whole. There’s an article circulating on the web about regrets from the deathbed and working too much is right up there. You can still self-actualise without the rate race. I think it is great that you recognise what you need and give yourself the time to recover. x

    • Sandra says

      Very well said Collette! “You can still self-actualise without the rate race.” Wise words. Self-expectation is a joy killer. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  12. Lissy says

    Thank you Sandra for sharing parts of your world with us again.
    I’ve missed you.
    What my headstone reads matters not that much to me,
    as I know that those who really wish to remember me, talk to me and honour me may not often be at my graveside to read it.
    However that being said I have started processing a few ideas as i am planning to pay for my own funeral and things.
    My headstone would maybe say my arrival and departing dates and that I was here for a good time not a long time!

    • Sandra says

      You know, that’s what Doug wants on his headstone “Here for a good time not a long time!” Irony is (if you could call it that) he’s actually been saying that for quite a long time now – longer than he ever thought he would – and I know in my heart you’ll be saying it for a long while to come too. Think they may have used the same mould twice on you two – made of the same stuff. The good stuff. Much love Lissy! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  13. says

    I empathize on sooooo many levels I feel like I’m right there with you! Gawd being kind to myself is still such hard work, you would think I would be better at it by now. Wishing you lots of luck and hope that this is one commitment you can stick to. xx

    • Sandra says

      We seem to be so much harder on ourselves than we are on others – we tell our friends not to be so hard on themselves and ask them to treat themselves with more kindness but don’t talk to ourselves the same way. Maybe we need to make friends with the parts of us we choose to ignore and/or judge. Being kind to ourselves doesn’t necessarily mean we are in turn going to ignore the needs of others and show less compassion for them because we are making space for our own self-compassion. This is so much easier to talk about than to put in to practise. Thanks for stopping by Dawn. 🙂 Xx

    • Sandra says

      Bumper calm tips waiting there for you Sarah! I’m sure you’ll find something that resonates with you. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  14. says

    We are the hardest upon ourselves usually. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back for what you have done Sandra.
    I haven’t thought about a headstone but it would be great if others thought I “lived life to the full” #IBOT Annette @afrenchcollection

    • Sandra says

      Oh god yes, we are so much harder on ourselves than we would be to another experiencing similar. It sounds like you very much try to live life to the full Annette – hoping it brings you much joy. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx

  15. Be says

    Meant to leave this for you a couple of weeks back and only returned to it when I saw your latest post…
    I was telling my youngest about a time when I was asked to come up with an on-the-spot epitaph.
    “She persisted” was my lame response.
    Son bewildered: “What? Why ‘Sheep assistant’?”
    Our guts were sore from laughing so hard. I made him promise that if I have to have a headstone, it must include “Sheep assistant”.
    Love your work – and, btw, do what I do for the geese. Earplugs.

    • Sandra says

      Bahahahahaha Be, that’s a classic! Thanks so much for the laugh and stopping by (and for the encouragement) Miss Sheep assistant! 🙂 Xx

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