I’ve been MIA from the blog for the last three weeks. I’m not sure I can really tell you why… no big secrets… I just have and I don’t really know why.
Maybe my mammogram and follow up oncologist appointment had been playing more on my mind than I realised and I just went AWOL from the rest of the world for a bit. I can’t put it down to anything else.
Mammogram was clear… I’m still cancer free! I did a little dance!
I have been fluffing around in the garden a fair bit, appreciating how fortunate I am to be fit and healthy enough to be outside soaking up the precious moods of the outdoor elements that remind me how amazingly priceless and privileged it is to feel alive.
There was one moment where I leaned back on the lawn, closed my eyes and offered my face to the penetrating warmth of the Autumn sun and cloudless sky – and it didn’t disappoint me. I felt blessed to feel so safe and peaceful; humbled in that moment for receiving such nurturing gifts from Mother Nature that filled my shell of self with rejuvenation of connection.
I feel I have crossed another footbridge on my path of recovery. I’m starting to wonder how I’d like my future to look. I’m okay for now with just pencilling in those pictures of my future into the landscape from where I sit beside the recently crossed footbridge… for I know the time is coming when I’ll splash them with colour and the vibrancy of their life shall continue to light my way and draw me forward.
I’d like to thank you all from my heart for the beautiful response to my Blue Folder Post. There is more in the works and I thank you for your patience with this piece of writing. It’s a vulnerable space… but I need and want to write it.
Doug and I feel enormously grateful for life as we know it; our normal I guess. Whatever the fug normal means. At times, however, that life can feel so fragile no matter how resilient you may prove or astound yourself to be.
Below is a reply I wrote to one of the comments I received from The Blue Folder post. After losing a good friend to cancer the commenter said how grateful she was that I was still here and able to tell my story. It was a reminder for me to not only say and acknowledge how grateful I am to be a survivor of breast cancer but to really feel how grateful I am each and every day… and I realised from the writing of my reply that I already was.
“Every morning I stir and sink into the safety of my bed as I pull the covers tight around me… from my bed through the undressed window the untouched purity of the awakening morning greets my senses… I pretend that my room and these moments are so pure that nothing toxic or harmful can break through the imagined barriers of security the walls represent… there in my cocoon, listening to the breathing of my strength who lies beside me, I feel safe and protected and oh so so grateful.”
I hope there has been some colour in your life to light your way today?
Have you felt joy today?
Majella Laws says
Kisses Xx 🙂
Robyna | the Mummy and the Minx says
So great to read your words and know that you are in a good place. As always, your writing is beautiful.
Thank you so much for your support of my blog Robyna and your kind words. You’re a gem. 🙂 Xx
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
Welcome back and a BIG happy dance to read about the all-clear. Enjoy the garden, the birds and the sunshine. I can’t wait to get all my work done today and spend the weekend with my babies!
Thanks for the BIG happy dance Em and being a big supporter of my blog. Enjoy making memories with your babies. 🙂 Xx
Yay lovely lady, I’m so glad you are all clear, I’m doing fist pumps for you! xx
I just love the sun on my face too, enjoy that fabulous feeling for a long time to come.
Your story makes me be more grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life. You are an inspiration. Keep writing when you feel you can, no need to apologise. Life got in the way, how cool is that?
Have a sunny weekend xx
That’s such a lovely comment Sarah thank you!
Yeah, life got in the way… that makes me smile. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by Xx
So beautiful Sandra. Thank you. Enjoy that autumn sun when it shows its face and I’m looking forward to hearing more about the coloured future xx
I’m actually looking forward to adding that colour Ellen.
Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂 Xx
I am so glad to hear your mammogram was clear, that is wonderful news!
Thank you Lila… it was a welcome relief!
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Beautiful news, Sandra! Enjoy your garden, and looking forward to your bright, bright future xx
Thank you so much Lisa, that’s very kind of you. 🙂 Xx
Natalie @ our parallel connection says
Welcome back from your little time off . When big things happen and end up great, we need time to reflect on life. Nothing wrong with that. #weekendrewind
Yes, you are right Natalie… somtimes moments to pause in our own bubble are necessary.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Kelly Exeter says
Well I knew your news already (and it made me do a happy dance as you know).
As for those little moments of joy – do you know I had one the other day washing the dishes. I looked down at the clean, drinkable water that would pouring out of my tap and just marvelling at the sheer AVAILABILITY of this life-giving stuff. And just how lucky we are to live where we do
You’re gorgeous! I had a similar moment all bleary eyed the other morning when I was filling up the kettle. I was thinking how lucky I was I didn’t have to walk miles for the privilege of clean drinkable water! Those grounding moments are joyful and keeps the perspective.
Thanks for stopping by Kelly. 🙂 Xx
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
I have goosebumps my gorgeous friend. I am soooooo beyond relieved all is OK. Soak up that sun lovely and let it fill your soul with pure joy xx
Thanks Son! You are a gem. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx