I’ve been MIA from the blog for the last three weeks. I’m not sure I can really tell you why… no big secrets… I just have and I don’t really know why.
Maybe my mammogram and follow up oncologist appointment had been playing more on my mind than I realised and I just went AWOL from the rest of the world for a bit. I can’t put it down to anything else.
Mammogram was clear… I’m still cancer free! I did a little dance!
I have been fluffing around in the garden a fair bit, appreciating how fortunate I am to be fit and healthy enough to be outside soaking up the precious moods of the outdoor elements that remind me how amazingly priceless and privileged it is to feel alive.
There was one moment where I leaned back on the lawn, closed my eyes and offered my face to the penetrating warmth of the Autumn sun and cloudless sky – and it didn’t disappoint me. I felt blessed to feel so safe and peaceful; humbled in that moment for receiving such nurturing gifts from Mother Nature that filled my shell of self with rejuvenation of connection.
I feel I have crossed another footbridge on my path of recovery. I’m starting to wonder how I’d like my future to look. I’m okay for now with just pencilling in those pictures of my future into the landscape from where I sit beside the recently crossed footbridge… for I know the time is coming when I’ll splash them with colour and the vibrancy of their life shall continue to light my way and draw me forward.
I’d like to thank you all from my heart for the beautiful response to my Blue Folder Post. There is more in the works and I thank you for your patience with this piece of writing. It’s a vulnerable space… but I need and want to write it.
Doug and I feel enormously grateful for life as we know it; our normal I guess. Whatever the fug normal means. At times, however, that life can feel so fragile no matter how resilient you may prove or astound yourself to be.
Below is a reply I wrote to one of the comments I received from The Blue Folder post. After losing a good friend to cancer the commenter said how grateful she was that I was still here and able to tell my story. It was a reminder for me to not only say and acknowledge how grateful I am to be a survivor of breast cancer but to really feel how grateful I am each and every day… and I realised from the writing of my reply that I already was.
“Every morning I stir and sink into the safety of my bed as I pull the covers tight around me… from my bed through the undressed window the untouched purity of the awakening morning greets my senses… I pretend that my room and these moments are so pure that nothing toxic or harmful can break through the imagined barriers of security the walls represent… there in my cocoon, listening to the breathing of my strength who lies beside me, I feel safe and protected and oh so so grateful.”
I hope there has been some colour in your life to light your way today?
Have you felt joy today?