Hello there! If you missed my post about returning to blogging you can read it by clicking here!
I’ve been reading over some of my previous posts and I have to say how humbled I am by the lovely comments that you guys have taken the time to leave here in the past. In our world of late there is so much sadness surrounding us and at some point I’d let slip my hold on the belief that connection really does bring purpose and meaning to our lives (credit to Brene Brown for this gem).
Your connection here has always meant so much to me. I thank you.
Today I revisited a post that really resonated with me, written by the beautiful Sonia of Life, Love and Hiccups, hoping it would give me the motivation and inspiration to write. This is one of the paragraphs that spoke to me concerning a return to writing. Sonia writes…
So many times in this past 6 months I have made it as far as saying “right, today is the day” but then something happened… something big, like terror attacks around the world, or someone I love had a big thing going on and then I just felt so… awkward about sitting down and writing about my average day.
Yep, this is pretty much what’s been going on in my head for quite a while. My cancer-versary hit hard back in February, much like a coward punch to the gut. Then cancer hit some friends of mine hard. Some of them have been left reeling. Some of them left this mortal world. I’ve been very angry and sad at the cruel systemic injustice of this hideous unforgiving disease.
In fact, quite a few people in my world have been touched by adversity in some way of late and all the above cascaded into one big melting pot of “I don’t get it… What the hell is this life stuff all about anyway?” I know (rolls eyes) I don’t like to ponder the small anomalies of life do I? It’s head first into the deep pot of quandary for me.
Something I very much relate to is when Sonia speaks of ‘Losing her ability to share’.
The more my insecurities grew, the more I withdrew and became private and guarded of my everyday life. I compared myself constantly and I questioned myself and my worthiness.
I lost my ability to share.
Despite my return to my much loved internet home a couple of weeks ago, I’ve still been feeling like I too have lost my ability to share. My head is full up of so many things to circumnavigate that my writing voice seems to be gagged somewhere up the back seat of the bus by all the other things screaming louder for attention and brain space… I don’t even think that voice has been doing much kicking and screaming about it. And that’s a worry.
I realised it’s far too easy for me to sit up the back and stay quiet. It’s too easy for me to let the louder and supposedly more important things take up all the space. It’s too easy for me to think my average day is not worthy.
Pushing through and making space takes time and energy and a good dose of ‘wobbly courage’ (Thanks Kelly Exeter for this gem), which is something I don’t always have in spades.
I knew I needed to practise what I had previously been preaching the last few years about connection being so necessary. So I read Sonia’s brilliant post again, knowing that I had left her some words of encouragement in the comments… maybe I would shame myself into pushing that voice of mine to the forefront once I’d swallowed my own words. I found I’d left this comment for Sonia and I feel it’s as relevant now as it was then…
I’m pleased for you (and me) that you have found your voice again – and the only thing I don’t care about is what you write about. I’ll read anything you write. I love your voice.
I also think that in these uncertain, emotionally draining times, is when we really need to connect the most.
Normal life in general is a welcome gift to embrace.
I think we’ve all lost our voice a little for many of the reasons you have shared. But isn’t it wonderful you shared that because I will bet you my new white denim jacket that I got for Christmas (that I absolutely adore) that there will be so many nodding along while reading your post thinking “me too”.
If we keep all our stuff to ourselves too frightened to share for fear of ‘whatever’ then the fabric of strength that brings people together through story telling will be very weak. And I reckon that would be sad. So I’m making an effort to get back into it too. I really miss connecting with lovelies like you.
And there they were! My own words that I so needed to swallow…
“I have needed to remind myself lately that connection is what we need the most, not silence.”
“If we keep all our stuff to ourselves too frightened to share for fear of ‘whatever’ then the fabric of strength that brings people together through story telling will be very weak”.
So swallowed them I have and here I am. In her lovely post Sonia also talks about finding some balance. Wise words I have also latched on to today.
I’m still sad. I’m still angry. I’ll still be quiet from time to time.
I’ll be forever adjusting the scales of balance because I don’t think there will ever not be some kind of tipping point in this thing called life. Life changes and people change… so the scales must be adjusted or otherwise we’d be permanently stuck. And I think that would be the most awfully sad thing.
I still don’t know what the hell all this life stuff is about but I do know that I really don’t desire to spend any more time in that bottomless pot of quandary looking for answers that probably don’t exist.
Once upon a time I embraced the following words and built a blog around them. I think it’s time to grab hold of them again and take them out for a long overdue spin in the rain. Let’s at least go jump some puddles together hey?
With love and wobbly courage,
PS. Sonia and Kelly are beautiful writers and beautiful humans. Please pop on over to their sites and show them some love by clicking on the links below. You’ll be so glad you did. 🙂 Also, I have no idea who to credit the dancing in the rain pic to so if you can enlighten me please do. Thanks for stopping by! Xx
Linking with Denyse Whelan Blogs for Life This Week.
Kooky Chic says
So sorry things have so tough. I’ve been wondering how things were going. I hope everything with your new house is going ahead at a rapid rate? x
Sandra Kelly says
Hello there Kooks! 🙂
The bricks are going up this week so things are scooting along now with the build. I’ll post some more pics on Insta in the next few days. Hope you are keeping warm. It’s been bloody freezing!
Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂 Xx
Denyse Whelan says
It’s true about connections. I blog to continue my connections. Today I do not feel like making any connections because…just because. It “is what it is” as my husband reminds me and I am guessing tomorrow will be different. So I am here, reading and commenting because you took courage and looked it in the eye and blogged! Thank you. Adding you to my new Blog Roll. Join the linky tomorrow if you remember. No pressure if you can’t . Looking forward to hearing more and seeing more of your new house.
Thank you for writing again.
Hello there Denyse!
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving this beautiful honest and encouraging comment. Your support across the interwebs does not go unnoticed. I’m chuffed you are adding me to your blog roll – that’s a huge compliment and again a massive show of support for me and my writing.
I’ll post more pics of the house build on Insta soon. I’ve been following along with your cancer story Denyse and love your honesty. It’s a tough gig at times. Thank you so much for sharing with us all.
Love Sandra. 🙂 Xx
Denyse Whelan says
Thank you my lovely friend. Don’t let your voice go unheard again (!) not that I am nagging you. You have a wonderful way with words and the world needs more of that.
Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt is What Is Courage? 29/52 Denyse
Sandra, I love your writing. “Bottomless pot of quandary”…beautiful and spot on!
Sandra Kelly says
Hello there lovely Meryl!
Thank you so much for continuing to support me here on my little blog. Always so encouraging.
Hoping all is well in your world. Will pop over to your space and visit today.
Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂 Xx
Kristin Alicia says
Hi Sandra, I’m new to your blog. I have recently returned to blogging after a long hiatus. I really miss the sense of community I originally found there. I share your feelings about writing about the mundane when the world is so full of tragedy. I’ve wanted to write something light and humorous, but that feels almost disrespectful when the headlines are so full of woe. But you are right – we do need connection, and I suppose we need laughter and lightness too. Nice to make your acquaintance.
Hello there Kristin!
Welcome to my internet home! I recently stumbled across an article by Scott Trettenero on http://www.psychreg.org titled the Duality of Life and Death. Despite it’s heavy title he explains the duality of living life much more succinctly and meaningfully than I could ever aspire to. He writes “Duality teaches us that every aspect of life is created from a balanced interaction of opposite and competing forces. Yet these forces are not just opposites; they are complementary. They do not cancel out each other, they merely balance each other like the dual wings of a bird.”
Isn’t that a beautiful description of how inevitable polarity is in life? In the midst of despair maybe lightness and laughter is a beacon of hope that may help tip the scales a little toward the return to normality or recovery? Hmmm, I wonder!
Thank you so much for stopping by Kristin! 🙂 Xx
Kirsty Russell says
Yay for wobbly courage! I’ve felt the same and decided to talk less about myself on the blog and more about what can help other special needs parents. This way I still write but it’s less about me and more about others. I’m sorry it’s been a tough time for you and for those you love. I’m currently helping my mum as she fights cancer. We’re on the wrong end of the battle but we’re doing everything we can to make the fight count. Hugs to you and welcome back to blogging x
Firstly, big hugs for you as you support your Mum through what I can only imagine is a very intense time. I loved the words you used ‘doing everything we can to make the fight count.’ I wish you and your family strength in your endeavours.
I noticed the shift with your blogs focus and I think it’s wonderful you’ve found a path that sits well with you and inspires you to write. I have no doubt you’ll be helping others with your words.
Thank you so much for stopping by Kirsty. I’ll be keeping you, your Mum and your family in my thoughts. 🙂 Xx
The other thing I love about blogging and connecting is that we may very well blog about the ‘smallest’ things – but sometimes that’s what we need. To hear that others have x or y or think about it too. Life is made up of small moments.
Oh yes, I agree with you! Finding validation in the words of others for what we might be thinking or feeling ourselves is indeed quite powerful.
Thank you so much for stopping by Vanessa and sharing a small moment with me. 🙂 Xx
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond says
Hi Sandra, one of the reasons I blog is because of the connections I have made. My online friends are supportive and encouraging and yet understand if I need time out for some alone time. Lovely to connect with you and I the quotes are a great way to start the week. Enjoy!
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond
Hi there Sue!
I just love hearing stories of the internet being used for good and encouraging supportive connections. I’m glad you enjoyed the quotes. Brene Brown would have to be one of the best examples of the internet being used for good. I just love her work.
Thank you so much for stopping by Sue! 🙂 Xx
It’s lovely to see you pop up in my inbox, I really love your writing and sharing, so thank you for showing up. It’s something I will get around to doing again soon too! Thanks for inspiring xxx
Hello there Gail!
So lovely of you to stop by. Thank you for your kind words. I hope all is going well in your world. I look forward to reading your words again when the time is right for you.
Take care. 🙂 Xx
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
Sorry that life has been sucking balls. I think you have to take a leaf out of Elsa in Frozen’s book and let all this stuff go. You don’t have to overthink these things, you just have to show up and write up . For the record, I love your voice and I hope you start to use it more often and make yourself heard xx
I apologise for the very delayed reply Sammie! I made my return and life got in the way again – or should I say because of life stuff I just didn’t have the creative headspace to tap into. Thank you for always being such a huge support here. All my love for a great year ahead.
Sorry that you’ve had such a difficult time and that connection, at times, felt like it was avoiding you. I’ve had times like that recently too. Been having trouble finding my feet and my voice too. Glad to see you’re just getting out there and doing it. I’m sure it will help. xo
Please excuse the very delayed reply Sugar! Thanks so much for stopping by! I’ve just been enjoying catching up on some blog reading – love your “New Year Same Old Me” post! I don’t do a New Year word for the year but I do like the idea of setting intentions. Sounds so much more do-able than a resolution. Hope you have a fabulous year ahead.
Sonia LifeLoveHiccups says
Ohhhhhh I am actually SO emotional right now. I am honoured and touched and inspired by YOU and not too mention I have something in my eyes that are making them leak. Hun – thank you so much… for all your beautiful words… but more than that…. thank you for inspiring ME. I needed to read my own words again to remind myself that it is ok to start again, even if it has been so long, and I am so comforted that others (YOU) feel the same way. I have procrastinated writing again for months and months now… because I’ve been busy, because I felt like I had nothing to say and because I got scared and lost my nerve.
“Once upon a time I embraced the following words and built a blog around them. I think it’s time to grab hold of them again and take them out for a long overdue spin in the rain. ” YES… YES YES YES. I want to spin in the rain again too. Here’s to starting again… and again and again and as often as we feel like it. MWAH much much love to you gorgeous lady. xxx
Well Sonia, I popped back in and popped back out again just as quickly. Life hey! Time to give those words another twirl I feel. At the very least even a slow waltz in the rain will suffice I think. Thank you for your beautiful words and for being you. Here’s to an amazing year ahead for you and your family.
Funny how some of us have just stopped writing. Not sure why I have. Think it’s the title of my blog – or maybe that’s just an excuse. Glad you’re back online, not so glad you’ve had such a rough time. Thinking of you always x Em
Thanks Em! I apologise for the delayed reply. My creative headspace didn’t grow in momentum. Life and lack of energy sometimes gets in the way. Hoping all is well with you Em. I’ve been following you on Insta and it looks like you’ve been making some wonderful memories with family. Here’s to more of that in the year ahead.