Emily over at Have A Laugh On Me wrote a very inspiring post this week about pursuing the desires she has burning within her.
No… she is not writing about her lust over a delicious delight of eye candy!
I doubt that she would have problems writing about that though if it was indeed the case. She is so funny.
Emily is talking about being true to herself as a creative individual, taking the plunge and embarking on a new business venture while also juggling her treasured motherhood without forgoing one for the other… or for the judgements of others… or for the sake of her sanity. You can read her post here.
While I was leaving a comment to this thoughtful post I found myself pondering two things.
1). Why, as mother’s, do we feel guilty about pursuing our interests (or being a working mum) that may take time away from our valued role of nurturing and caring for our family?
The very fact that we are worrying about our choices makes it bleeding obvious that our main priority will always be our children! Not our supposed self-indulgence (or working necessity) as our critical thoughts would have us believe.
So when you think about it there will always be an avalanche of considered thought concerning the awareness of any impact that following our own desires will have on our tribe… because we care.
Low and behold as a result we find ourselves making on-going considered decisions about how to make it all work that sits well with us and works as a family.
It will always be, and should always be, a ‘tweaking’ process in progress.
If we are aware we care.
I think this is the crutch of the whole guilt issue.
Maybe we believe we care more about ourselves than our children’s needs if we follow our desires!
Maybe we care too much that other people will think that of us too!
2). Just make ‘one day’ happen!
We all do it. We all find excuses not to be true to ourselves.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It’s the courage to continue that counts”.
I’m with Sir Winston on this one (Sir Winston Churchill that is).
Nothing like fear of failure or judgement (or how we will cope if we are successful – what then?) to keep us as stuck as a pair of gumboots in a pile of cow shit. Yup, not a place we want to stay stuck.
Believe me when I say fear of failure and judgement has had me stuck A LOT.
It really does stink to be so stuck you know!
(And as a child I would often have myself literally stuck in a pile of cow shit at the dairy in my gumboots… so I’m speaking from experience here. There is no budging without some effort. Or at the time some much needed help from Dad!)
Longing for the wish we could follow our desires ‘one day’ is far more mentally exhausting than rolling up our sleeves and having a crack at it will ever be.
Now I’m not saying that there is not valid and impractical circumstances at play preventing any of us from making ‘one day’ happen at this present moment.
All I’m saying is to give ourselves permission to think about being true to ourselves.
It doesn’t matter what we are longing for; a round of golf, taking a photography class, starting a part time business or learning to fly a plane!
It may be as simple as wanting a day to ourselves every now and again.
Find a way to do it that works for you!
The courage to at least entertain the idea just may fill us with happy anticipation and make our hearts sing… and that has never hurt anybody (even a child) that I can think of.
If there was nothing stopping you what would your heart desire?
Keep it clean now! 😉
Majella Laws says
Amen to all of that! Very well said. As an older person (and wiser, wittier and even more wonderful than ever) :), I had anticipated that the next generation of women would find easier than those who had gone before and given there all to make things better for women. My experience is, that this is not so. The younger generation of women seem to have the same concerns and self expectations. Amazing isn’t it? Must be our bloody wiring or something…. (Hope you are slinging this post on Facebook Sandra, it is a cracking good post, needs to be shared) 🙂
Yup, evolutional hard wiring has a lot to answer for. Good think we have choice. Just need to silence the guilt monster!
Wise, witty and wonderful you are. You should write a post about that! Thanks for your lovely commments M. Xxx
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
What a great post, and thanks for the mention. I think what you said about us caring about ourselves that we feel we aren’t putting our kid’s first. But it’s quite the opposite, the kids are always at the forefront of our minds, they can’t help but be so. I suppose it’s about a balance, in my case I have to do this otherwise I will start to resent my children for holding me back and I don’t want to be that person. They will see me as a happy but busy working mum, who still loves them but also loves her work! Here’s to making YOUR heart sing xxx
I loved your very honest and great post about following your desires.
I also think it is great you are showing your children that they can still be loving devoted family oriented members as well as embracing their individual selves and following their hearts. Xx
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
Oh Amen Sandra AMEN! What would my heart desire? hmmm good question… I truly think I am dong what my heart desires right now. Wow that is pretty awesome isnt it. I am truly blessed xx
That is a ‘smiley’ place to be Sonia and more than awesome… enjoy the peace and fulfilment of self that it brings Xx
What a great post. I am struggling a little at the moment, no one major reason but just a lot has caught up with me at once. I think it is something I rarely do, try to find some guilt free time. I’m going to work on this this weekend. Thanks for the reminder! Xx
I hope you find a moment or two to be kind to yourself this weekend Lisa and create an opportunity to listen to your heart… even if you only manage a short time I’m sure you’ll find some kind of ‘different’ to recharge the batteries. Hugs for you Xx
Shannon @ Oh Creative Day says
It’s such a funny old conundrum isn’t it, Sandra?
How can we fill the cups of others, if our own cup is empty?
And “if we are aware, we care.” What a great mantra- I’m going to recite it when I start second-guessing all of my mothering and life choices!
That’s so true Shannon! We end up chugging along like a car on the verge of empty. We forget we need to re-fuel ourselves and that includes acknoweldging our hearts desires. Thanks for sharing that my words struck a chord with you. Be well 🙂
Lucy @ Bake Play Smile says
What a beautifully written, honest post! I think my heart desires change… not big change but just some little changes!! 🙂 xx
Thank you Lucy! The value of little changes are often so over looked aren’t they? I wish you well. 🙂 x