Pre cursor: May it be noted that I am not against practising gratefulness. It is extremely beneficial. These are just my own thoughts being fleshed out about why I feel stuck with writing publicly on my personal blog and I am genuinely interested in others thoughts. Thank you.
I want to feel joy. Most days I do. It’s more like a four seasons in one day existence I suppose. Some days it’s more like a 4 x 4 seasons in one day experience if truth be told. I’m not complaining. That’s just how it is (shrugs shoulders).
It’s had me wondering lately – Can the metaphorical concept of four ‘feeling seasons’ in one day of emotions co-exist with being thankful?
You know, I wake up tired every morning (who doesn’t) and often fight off anxiety at what the day ahead may bring, but I’m always so pleased to wake up in the safety of my own cosy bed listening to the sounds of the morning (or if you live in my part of the world right now it would be the sound of relentless howling wind).
Sometimes I feel sad and weighed down by responsibility, but I’m also thankful that the reasons for these feelings signify meaningful circumstances and relationships exist in my life.
I persistently feel frightened that I’ll become unwell again but that doesn’t mean I’m not thankful to still be here living the life I get to live when so many do not.
When, at times, I hide from the world feeling sorry for myself or because I’m angry at the state of affairs or I feel the need for solitary time to recharge my batteries doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for those in my life who consistently show me thoughtfulness and kindness and compassion and connection when I resurface.
I’ve found it difficult to write of late. Reading back over old blog posts I always seem to be apologising for not showing up here; too many times stating that I have things to say but can’t find the words.
It’s all fear. All of the procrastination and apologising… it’s all fear.
Fear of sounding trite in a world bursting with catastrophe after catastrophe.
Fear of not sounding thankful or grateful enough.
Fear of judgement… oh so much fear of judgement.
So I ponder out loud –
Is the pressure of the gratefulness movement unintentionally denying us the opportunity and necessity of feeling our less than feel good emotions or voicing them?
Do we now feel we can not share how sad or mad we are about things in our life because we may be perceived as not being thankful for all we have?
Can we not share those events and emotions which affects our lives, in less than gratuitous ways, for fear of being seen as shallow or too privileged if we do so?
I speak for myself here when I say that I for one have been too frightened. As much as I tell myself I don’t really care what people think about what I write it’s really not a true belief. If it was, I’d write everyday.
So… unfortunately I sit in limbo pondering all these things. I know deep in my heart that the four seasons in one day feelings really do and can co-exist with feeling thankful and practising gratitude. I’m just not sure I feel comfortable writing about them publicly anymore for the reasons I am pondering here today.
Acknowledging your shadow times is a way to turn and embrace the light and create resilience. Light casts shadows… it’s a fact. They are connected and can not be unconnected. They co-exist.
Yet here I am pondering if we have become to scared to share and connect with others while deep in our shadows because going there may be perceived as dark, negative and sad when in reality it is a way to reconnect with the light, positivity and joy.
I’m very interested in your thoughts on this co-existence of emotions and the gratefulness movement so please comment and let me know what you think about it. As always though, play nice, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Even me.
My dear friend,
Beautifully written as always. Write for yourself as a way to unburden the feelings that you are feeling. Share if you want to, it doesn’t matter what people think, it only matters what you think. I am sure that whatever you have to say will help someone who is not willing to share because they are afraid to speak out. Please keep speaking and sharing as it brings a greater understanding to others that it is ok to not be ok, and that you don’t need to suffer in silence.
A cleansing of thoughts lighten’ s the load.
Love you sweet angel.
Jo
Always in my corner cheering loudly. Thanks so much for stopping by. Your thoughts are like the biggest warm hug. Love you lots and lots you beautiful soul. Xx
You raise some good points about the gratitude movement. I think we should always write what we’re feeling as that way we are being our authentic selves. You are open and honest in your words, so many thanks for that and for the thought provoking questions you ask. I’m afraid I don’t have many answers for you! Visiting from #lifethisweek
Hello there Debbie!
Yes, being authentic is very important to me. Thanks for reminding me of that. Thanks also for your kind words and stopping by.
Sandra Xx:-)
Oh I am pleased you wrote this AND linked up even moreso. I never feel we have to apologise for our feelings/moods but hey, we do. Us women who want to please…yes?
It has taken me till this year – in my 70th – to realise that I am “OK” to be who and how I am. I waiver all the time, of course. Because that is my default from the past. Lucky for me, I have had an amazing teacher/encourager in my husband who learned his life lessons via serious illnesses, a forced medical retirement and more. I also took a LONG time to properly “get” gratitude.
I wrote lists for a bit, and paid lip service to what I was supposed to do. Then after about 3 years of knowing about it but refusing (!) to find gratitude in something I did. It just happened. I had a feeling inside that felt better than any other. Oh. Since then, this wayward me, has turned a lot of my negative thinking around by finding a gratitude spin.
Because I had not really found a lot to be grateful for until the recovery from cancer, I guess it started my way into it.
So, my words to you, follow what makes your heart sing. I often say moods are like the weather, Like you say about the seasons.
Thank you for linking up for Life This Week. Next week’s optional prompt is: 49/51 Taking Stock #5 9/12/19 Hope to see you there! Denyse.
Hi there Denyse!
Thank you so much for your considered comment. I agree with you on so many levels. Yes, the people pleaser in me feels she should filter and apologise for her feelings let alone throw them out to the internet ether of public scrutiny. What’s with that? (Shrugs shoulders and looks skyward in wonder).
Thank you for sharing your ‘journey’ into gratefulness practise. Sounds like you’ve had a struggle with it at times but have found a way to spin it so that it works for you… your way. And your are right, we should do what makes our hearts sing and that is different for everyone isn’t it.
I love the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) metaphor about our moods and emotions being like the weather. We are the sky and our emotions are the weather – the weather is always changing but the sky stays the same and the weather can’t hurt the sky, so dress appropriately for whatever your weather may be and keep going. Something like that anyway. Think I wrote a blog post about it.
Thanks so much for stopping by Denyse.
Sandra 🙂 Xx
Great question Sandra – Gratefulness – Can it co-exist with less than feel good emotions?
Like so many other movements such as mindfulness; gratitude and how we do it has elements of hype to it I think, which can do more harm than good when we’re suffering deeply in some way or another.
Perhaps pausing to smell a flower for example, or seeing a bird frolicking in a pool of water, or watching clouds skimming across the sky can flow through to a form of natural gratitude, taking away any forced elements or prescribed practice? Could gratitude evolve from these simple experiences?
Love
M
xo
Yes Majella! THIS… so much this (dis) 🙂
I love the thought that gratitude can evolve from simple experiences. When I think about the moments I stop in my day and smile at the baby magpies squabbling and playing in the water, or the lambs next door kicking up their heels, or the reflection on the clouds from the setting sun I have many ‘natural gratitude’ moments that do indeed soften my mood. Maybe these are my gratitude moments that work for me, rather than setting aside specific time to flesh out gratitude.
As always I thank you for your considered responses to my ramblings. Thanks so much for stopping by (and the chat yesterday).
Sandra 🙂 Xx
I think blogging is a wonderful opportunity to be authentic, honest and vulnerable (at least it is for me). I’m completely open with my life and share the sucky stuff and also the good stuff. Gratitude reminds me that it’s not all sucky and that life has an awful lot of good in it if we look for it – and that balances out the unfair [email protected]@##tty stuff. I find if I dwell on the bad (like having to leave a great job because of a nightmare co-worker/boss’s wife) then I get flatter and darker and my worldview narrows down to all the injustices etc.
Looking for the lessons, finding ways to grow from the crappy stuff, seeing the silver linings…. all these things help me move forward instead of sinking slowly into the pits of despair.
I REFUSE to let [email protected]@##tty people and situations win, so if I have to slap myself over the back of the head with a bit of gratitude now and then, that’s what I’ll do. But you’re right, it’s hard sometimes when life sucks and we just want to close the door on it all and hibernate somewhere warm and safe.
Let’s keep cheering each other on through all the seasons – that’s what I find is the real blessing in blogging xx
Oh Leanne, thank you so much for leaving this insightful comment. I guess it comes back to what works for us as individuals doesn’t it. I like how gratitude ‘reminds you that it’s not all sucky and life has an awful lot of good in it if we look for it’. I agree that there is always some glimmer of hope in the form of something good, no matter how small.
I also like the idea of of continuing to cheer each other on through the seasons. Having people in your corner, unconditionally, is always something to appreciate and be grateful for.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Sandra 🙂 Xx
TOTALLY agree with Leanne. Am also a four seasons in one day kind of person (sometimes in one minute). Feeling grateful is like a little step ladder up out of the dark pit we can tumble into.
Also agree with Jo about the importance of writing for yourself. There’s often an “uh-oh” feeling when I press publish, but then I think, “Oh, who cares? I said what I needed to say.”
Keep doing your thing!
xxx
Hello there Meryl!
Please excuse the delayed reply. Thank you so much for stopping by with your thoughts and encouragement. I am grateful for many things, but I’ve come to realise I’m not a list maker kind of gratitude person. More of an in the moment noticing kind of gratitude person. One thing I know I’m extremely grateful for is the time people take out of their busy day to visit my space here and leave thoughtful comments. I’m always appreciative.
Hope all is well in your world.
Sandra 🙂 Xx