I thought I’d be crying my eyes out when this day came. I felt sad but I also felt a wave of strong resolute that this was the only and the right way forward.
Travelling home from the solicitors office we passed by the family farm and home that we’d sold eighteen years earlier. The decision to sell the land that had been in the family for generations, settled by my husband’s ancestors, was an excruciating painful time in our lives. The day we left that property for good was beyond heart wrenching.
Sometimes life leaves you no choice but to make hard, painful decisions. However, once you’ve chosen the path to follow, amazingly you find yourself walking hand in hand with your grief instead of it being a crippling weight preventing you from taking steps in any direction. Grief doesn’t go away, it just changes position.
We had a beautiful purposely built home to move into capturing uninterrupted views of the foothills and mountains leading onwards to the Great Dividing Range. It certainly softened the blow for as our hopes and dreams of creating a lovely home and garden were being realised just as many hopes and dreams of successful farming life and raising future generations on the family farm were being completely shattered.
Turning into the driveway of our now established garden with its beautiful mature trees I actually smiled at the sight before me. We had managed to evolve through the unspeakable loss of a much loved farming life and an unfolding farming future ripped from our grasp by the cards of poor health; a life left so far, far behind us now but certainly far from forgotten.
Almost two decades ago we thought we’d never get over leaving the family farm but we have succeeded in making a new different life and new beautiful memories to hold just as dear in our hearts. I’m confident we can do it a second time as we prepare to set sail in a few months’ time and change course all over again.
When you sign a contract of sale you don’t sign away the memories or the purpose that beloved home gifted you. Family health circumstances have become the rudder for our change of direction and focus yet again. We’re choosing not to sail away from our precious abode and community under the heaviness of self-imposed grey skies; instead we are plotting our course guided by the filtered sunrays streaming down through the clouds with the sparkling silver linings.
Until next time… stay safe now.
Footnote: Many long conversations led to our decision to sell up, down size and move closer to health services and town conveniences. We’re choosing to dream, manifest and create another life chapter to grow into. If we haven’t told you personally please forgive us, for the last six months have been quite intense and all consuming. Doug has not been well but is coming out the other side now. In case you’re wondering, don’t worry, I’m still cancer free but have a new painful ailment named Mr Osteo Arthur-itis (osteo arthritis) that flares and pinches a nerve in my neck and tendon in my shoulder. When this happens I’m out of action until it settles again. I can’t lift Doug, I can’t drive, I can barely prepare meals, but I can complain (not a lot, just a little, lol). I’m having an okay patch at the moment. I’ll share more about the ins and outs of what has led us down this path and what we hope our future will look like in posts to come. Thanks for reading and stopping by.
Hugs Sandra … there is much love and warmth going with you and Doug and your Mum as you embrace the next chapter …
We certainly feel very much loved and so warmly supported Majella! Thank you so much for stopping by my friend. Xx 🙂
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
You nailed it with the grief thing, how it shifts on it’s axis but it doesn’t really change. We can’t change the hand of cards we’re dealt in this life, but we can change how we play those cards. I’m so pleased you’re playing yours with sunshine, silver linings, and may I chuck in some value added pixie dust. I think as we (and our needs) grow and change, I think it’s only natural that our surroundings need to change too. Even though it can be hard to leave a place behind, the real essence of home is where you two are, wherever that will be. Wishing you both better health an oodles of happiness. Enjoy this adventure!
I’ll take that value added pixie dust thank you very much Sammie. Love it when you pop by and leave your thoughtful words behind. Thanks for the well wishes. Xx 🙂
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
I love everything you just said Sammy – I couldn’t say it better myself. Silver linings and Pixie Dust – I will drink to that for us all. xx
That Sammie is a wise one hey! Xx
Kooky Chic says
Thanks for letting us know what’s going on, especially through such a lovely, meandering post, I always feel like I’m walking through your garden when I read your work. That’s how powerful your photos are. I can’t wait to read about your new home. You are an inspiration Sandra and may you never think otherwise. Wish we lived closer xx
Thank you so much Kooks for your really lovely words. I treasure them. I wish we lived closer too. Let’s make a date real soon hey! Thank you so, so much for stopping by. Xx 🙂
Lisa Conb says
Sort of a bittersweet feeling one would imagine.
Congratulations on one hand, commiseration on the other
Either way your hands are both on the wheel to drive to your new, different and wonderful future.
We are okay with our decision now Lisa. It’s very sad to leave our home but you are right – we are taking control where we can of the circumstances. And I’ll be closer to you ;-). Thank you so much for stopping by. 🙂 Xx
How exciting. It can be challenging but gosh you have the right attitude. This is going to be wonderful xxx
We’ll make it as wonderful as we can Edie, that is for sure! Thank you so much for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Hi Sandra We keep smiling and waving at each other but never seem to get the time to stop and have a chat.
I just wanted to say that your resilience in the face of what life has thrown your way, is nothing short of amazing and is inspirational. I am really sorry to hear about your latest health issue.
I agree with you about grief. The memory of losing something or someone that you love doesn’t go away. Even when I tell myself that the loss is painful because I was given so much pleasure and recall the good times, I still experience the grief of loss. Possibly not as acutely over time as I know that I have to accept that nothing stands still and everything changes. That is the reality of being human.
Long may you continue to connect with the part of you that never changes and is the source of your innate well being and resilience. Hilda x
Hilda, that’s a beautiful comment. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and leave your lovely thoughts here. Yes, we must make a date to catch up for a cuppa. It’s always nice touching base with you. 🙂 Xx
Oh Sandra, gosh you’ve had so much to deal with recently but I feel some hope and new beginnings that might make life for you all a little easier. Love and light and much love x
Yep, this year has been a little intense for a few different reasons Em! We’re looking forward to the New Year with a new house build to focus on. Let’s hope it’s all fairly smooth sailing. Thanks so much for stopping by lovely! 🙂 Xx
Dear Sandra, you write so eloquently that I felt every word and send my love back to you as you traverse the next stage of your life. Yes it is so hard to give up the future you thought you had but as you say “health prevails”. That has been the determinant in many of the life choice decisions made by us. It was my husband’s chronic health for many years and now my recently diagnosed cancer. What I take from it though is that our relationship has never waivered despite the challenges. So here’s to you & yours doing what you can while you can with your head held high and your heart smiling but feeling the losses too. Sending love & wellness wishes! Denyse xxx
Denyse such beautiful words – thank you so much for your thoughts and well wishes. Chronic illness and cancer certainly steer life in directions you never thought you’d take. But take them we do – for what choice do we have but to grab hold, hang on tight and take control when and where we can.
I’ve been following your own cancer ride and recovery Denyse and might I say you are navigating the challengin path with much dignity and grace. Youl truly are inspiring. Much love and thank you so much for stopping by. ? Xx
Elisa @ With Grace + Eve says
Oh how I love the way you write. I felt your words. I love that you are letting your hearts be your guide for this new chapter. I hope today has been a great day for you. Elisa xx
Thank you so much for dropping by and leaving this lovely comment Elisa. I really appreciate your lovely thoughts. I apologise for the delayed reply. Wishing you all the best for the year ahead and I look forward to following your lovely posts into the new year (especially loving the IG posts). Take care. Xx
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
You my beautiful friend are like a cool breeze on a stinking hot day. Your positivity and love for others is going to get you through every change you are faced with… I have absolutely NO doubt about that at all xx
Oh Sonia that is such a beautiful thing to say! Thank you so much for stopping by. It means so much too me. Xx