Recently I asked my facebook family if there were any topics they’d like me to write more about.
I offered two give-away prizes; one on my personal fb page and one on my blog fb page. Thank you to all those who left comments and suggestions, I really appreciate it. Jeanette and Kris (the winners), your candles from Willows Crafts will be on their way to you very soon.
There was a suggestion I should write more about barking dogs. Let me explain…
Some time ago I did a very out of character thing for me; I climbed on to a very big soap box, that being the facebook platform, and had quite the rant about barking dogs driving me bat shit crazy.
It was by far the most popular post on my personal fb page of all time attracting many likes and comments… except for that time I had fifteen seconds of fame on the tele and it was shared on my page… but that’s another story.
When you have a public rant people do one of three things;
- Agree whole-heartedly
- Disagree whole-heartedly
- Laugh whole-heartedly
Here is the post in question:
Good people of our little town! I’m about to do something completely out of my little character… I’m about to have a BIG fat winge on FB so if you don’t want your perception of me tainted look away… NOW!
I love where I live. I love to sit outside where I live. But WHATEVER time of the day or night I choose to sit outside on my back or front veranda, where I love to live, there are lots of barking dogs going off their freakin nut from where they love to live, invading my personal serenity of where I love to live and it is just about sending me positively IN-FREAKIN-SANE!
I can’t even leave a window open at night because the drifting dog barking from the town is louder than Doug’s freakin snoring!!! I kid you not!!! AND the first person that suggests I don earplugs will not only be personally and brutally unfriended they shall have a recording of Doug snoring left outside their bedroom window with much love from me.
THAT IS ALL… oh, and if I say please very nicely will you please, please, please go outside and see if your dog is barking and if it is please give it a bone to SHUT IT THE FUG UP!
Ahem… thank you if you read this far… I do appreciate your attention 🙂 Please return to love living where you live… or ignoring your dogs barking… it seems to go hand in hand in our slice of heaven these days 🙁
I did warn you this was out of my little character and to look away… so fire away haters… don’t think I’ve had a hater before… this could be interesting… doesn’t matter, I’ll just go to my happy place… oh that’s right I can’t go there because there are TOO MANY FREAKIN DOGS BARKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I was very fortunate that no-one disagreed whole-heartedly. I would have indeed lain awake for hours because I had offended somebody – whether the dogs barking were helping the sleep cause or not. Yes, I’m that sensitive to others. Sad I know.
I was also very fortunate because many people whole-heartedly agreed with me that this annoyance was happening far too often in our little neck of the woods. This made me feel much better about having a rambling rant.
Then I hit the jackpot with 2 out of 3 scenarios.
One friend laughed whole-heartedly as well. Which made me laugh at myself and that’s always a good thing.
The fb conversation went like this:
Friend: Ahhhh Hahahahahahaha that is so unlike you Sandra!!!! I like it!!! Not my dogs, thank god!! And I can’t hear any at the moment?? Hope they shut up soon for you!! Keep up the psycho posts, it was highly entertaining!!
Me: It was not meant to be entertaining… doh… I’ll have to try harder to be scary… seriously this has been driving me bat shit crazy for months!!! And I am very pleased to hear that you are a responsible and considerate pet owner. You get kisses Xxxxxxxx
Friend: Oh but Sandra, it was very mean and nasty, I was scared!! I hope the culprit rectifies the situation ASAP, before our town see’s a little crazy lady hauling barking dogs in to her mini van ….
Just for the record I wouldn’t have hurt any menacing mutts. The owners, however, may have encountered a Sandra dagger stare. Now that’s scary! True! Just ask my kids!
I knew I’d hit celebrity status when my fb rant was subject to discussion at my mum’s exercise group down the town.
Thankfully no disagreement there either, only more laughter. Considering the age demographic and all the F-bomb alluding in that rant I’ll take that as a soap-box far reaching acceptable campaign.
One friend sensibly pointed out that dogs bark for a reason. They may be bored or hungry?
My theory is the dogs are sick of being tied up at their kennels while their owners are inside sucking milo through their Tim Tams, watching crappy reality television with the sound at Antarctic levels (so loud it can be heard at the Antarctic) so not able to hear barking dogs.
So there you go dear friendly reader who suggested I write more about barking dogs – I hope you have enjoyed revisiting the time I did my lolly on fb and learning my voice had a far reaching audience and did not fall on deaf ears… except for the owner’s ears of the barking dogs… because most nights the ‘Symphony of Woof in F’g Hell Major’ continues on.
Paula Doherty says
Just reading the latest which led me back to ‘farts in a lettuce strainer’. Now I do have a bit of a warped mind and you can stop reading now if you like!
I have colanders and sieves but my lettuce implement is not a strainer, it’s a rather sophisticated mixer type affair that you wind a handle on the top (some models you pull a cord), it is drum shaped with a basket like inner vessel into which you place the lettuce. You then run a small amount of water in through an aperture in the lid then crank the hadle (or pull the cord) like buggery and the lettuce gets rinsed and drained ready for use.
Now my dilemma is what happens if you substitute farts for the lettuce?
Do you still add the water and will that rinse out the smell from the fart?
If you don’t use water and do a dry run does the fart become embedded into the plastic (like onion does in Tupperware!) OR does the fart become dry and crumbly and break up so small that minute particles imprint themselves forever onto and into your life, surroundings, personality, character and environment making your whole existence just slightly tainted forever more?
I know someone to whom this must have happened as she always has a semi scowl on her face, never has a good word to say and picks fault in almost everything she meets! It’s so bad she has actually corrupted a once good friend of ours!
So back to my original question which I think I have answered for myself in that I will continue to use only a colander as the holes are bigger than the strainer so the fart can escape easier and intact therefore causing less distress all round!
Ha ha, yes Paula, I think just using the colander might be the safest option! Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
I have major FOMO that I missed the FB rant “live” but am quite relieved you recapped it here! I do believe in letting sleeping dogs lie, but not in letting barking dogs bark, it’s not fair to either the pooch or it’s neighbours. It must be so annoying, no wonder you’re like a dog with a bone with this one! (Ha! See what I did there?!)
Ha, you have such a way with words Sammie! I still get quipped about this rant from friends and it was 8 months ago I did my lolly! Funny! Thanks for stopping by Sam 🙂 Xx
Em @ Have A Laugh On Me says
Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make the biggest impact! I often do my lolly – mmm lollies, (says the girl doing her ration challenge) xx
Act for peace ration challenge https://actforpeace.rationchallenge.org.au/fundraisers/emilytoxward donate to Em’s challenge. Such a great cause! 🙂 Xx
Majella Laws says
Oh I do remember that! It was so funny (and scary) to see the normally gentle Sandra go off! xo
Hee hee… Gotta keep some surprises up my sleeve Majella! 🙂 Xx
sonia Life love Hiccups says
Oh I like this cheeky side of you haha. Yep totally done my lolly in public… frequently actually. One of the most embarrassing to myself was the time I was in a big busy $2 shop with the kids and they were driving me so bat shit crazy about wanting some plastic ball that I snatched the ball out of one of their hands and I pegged it across the shop.
Not one of my finest moments but it felt darn good.
Oh and for the record… Barking dogs? I CANNOT COPE!!!!!
Ha ha, oh Son! You know, I bet there was more than one mum looking on thinking “YES! If only I had the guts to do that!”. You probably made their day! Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂
What doesn’t everybody ?
I cringe that I did the other day in Cotton On. I did calm the F down when I realised it was just small stuff and I could live with it.
I shout at my own barking dogs and we are a km away from neighbours , thankfully. Drives me mental too.
I shout at the 4 cats meowing at me too.
Ha ha ha Trish – maybe it all boils down to the fact that every now and again we like to have a bit of mental quiet in a far too noisy world – even when you live miles from anything. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂 Xx