Well, it’s been a little while between drinks but… “I’m back” (said in my best sing songy sinister voice with appropriate facial smirk).
My expected four day stay in hospital down in the big smoke turned into an eight day stay in hospital thanks to a pesky little air bubble that meant my drainage tube needed to stay in until it resolved.
I was devastated to say the least.
I’m a secret control freak. I do not cope well when things are out of my control and I’m not ashamed to admit it… I’m a continual work in progress people.
Or I could just tell you that I needed a lung resection for a suspect nodule in my lung and already having a previous breast cancer diagnosis it was decided that little bugger had to come out. That means I’ve had a piece of my lung removed… yes… ouch!
And here’s the best bit… the bit I lost sight of for just a second when I was in pain and shattered that the drainage tube had to stay in and I was oooooh so homesick…
The best bit… that little nodule in my lung that had us all in a spin WAS NOT CANCEROUS!
Oh yeah, cue the dance music!
I see my lovely surgeon again this Thursday and expect I’ll have more info on what that little bastard of a thing was, but for now we are assuming it was just an infected granuloma thingy until the cultures tell us otherwise.
I don’t care really… it’s gone… it’s not inside me anymore and it’s not cancer and can’t turn cancerous… I don’t need cancer treatment again… I don’t have to drag my family and friends through that horrid ride again… l can’t tell you how relieved I am, for all of us.
And another best bit is I only needed a wedge taken out of my middle lobe of the lung instead of losing the whole middle lobe of my right lung… that was also a very nice thing to wake up from surgery and find out.
BIG shout out to all at the Epworth Eastern Hospital Box Hill Victoria. Honestly, you are all gems. I was looked after with such care and compassion during a very vulnerable and scary time for me and a very long way from home.
Unfortunately old demons came back to haunt me and I suffered terribly from triggered flash backs from my cancer ride. You know how the ‘three days blues” is a thing? Like when you have baby and on about the third day after you are all like teary and blue and yeah… that thing?
Well, I had the three day blues for about the whole eight days (with a side serve of anxiety) and everybody, I mean EVERYBODY was just so attentive and supportive.
I was so bloody well looked after.
For the moment I still can’t drive and I’m managing the basics here at home. We were so fortunate to have Doug’s sister and her friend stay with him while I was in hospital and then she was able to stay on for a week afterwards until I found my feet… only she spoilt Doug with much culinary delight variability… a standard he has come crashing down from since she returned home.
What can I say? Cooking and me? Not a match made in heaven.
Cooking and meal preparation and me when I’m feeling blah? Well, blah about sums up the servings.
Seriously H, an eleventy billion trillion thank you’s. Where would we have been without you two.
Once again we find ourselves relying on the generosity of treasured family and friends during this time. When you live 20 minutes from the nearest town and grocery stores and doctors and so on and you can’t drive, your independence is extremely compromised.
Doug, Mum and I can’t thank you all enough for your willing and continued support.
(My mate Tracey makes a mean ‘good shit soup’ and my mate Jo makes a ‘Shepards Pie’ to die for… I have a stock pile in my freezer… no, I’m not sharing.)
And my beautiful son who held my hand in recovery, fed me ice, listened to me moan, drove 40 minutes each way from his home in Melbourne traffic to sit by my bedside… there are no words… my tears speak the volumes you deserve to hear.
To my niece/daughter who would send me beautiful messages of concern and support and who shared exuberant happiness at my cancer free outcome to all with her posts… I am deeply, deeply touched.
My online friends, my family and friends? I am one privileged girl to have you all in my life.
I remember back to quite a few weeks ago, when I was waiting outside the big smoke hospital for my son to arrive and join me for one of the many appointments prior to surgery… I was watching the people and cars come and go from the hospital entrance wondering what their stories were… every one of them would have had an individual personal story… I wondered what my story would be the day my son pulled up in his car at the hospital entrance to drive me the three hours home from the unknown experience about to unfold.
For me my story ended well from this chapter… but really, there are many stories inside this one story and I’ll share those as I recover.
I feel grateful, blessed, relieved and oh so, so fortunate and even during the trying times since I’ve returned home, when my face may look a little glum or I’ve been feeling sore and sorry for myself, not once have I or will I forget just how bloody lucky I am.
Till next time, stay safe now.
*Thank you so much to my online bud Emily over at Have a laugh on me for sending me the beautiful sentiment I have used as the pic for this post. Em sent the image ‘Be brave, Be Strong, Be Steadfast’ along with a beautiful email and in it she said “You’ve got this” and that’s exactly what I said to myself in the mirror after changing into my hospital party gown before heading off to be prepped for surgery… “You’ve Got This”… so I said it a few more times as I looked myself in the eye, wiped my tears, took a deep breath, open the cubicle door and… then I realised I really didn’t ‘have this’ all on my own… we are never truly alone… and on the days that I didn’t ‘have it’ someone had me Xx