Why do we measure our self-worth by how much we are able to achieve in a day?
Why?
Why do we think we are not worthy to feel good about ourselves at the end of the day because we didn’t get to clean the damn toilet and it was on top of the to do list?
I mean, honestly? Why? WHY?
Why do we chuck a tantrum that hovers on the verge of tears feeling so useless because we get home from the supermarket and have forgotten the bloody pumpkin, despite continuously checking and rechecking the list that you painstakingly penned while squinting through the bleary eyes of exhaustion the night before (that’s if you’ve remembered to take the list)?
Why?
Yes, this may be the voice of experiencing talking and yes I may have been guilty of the above scenarios. And why do I even feel the need to classify my admission of these moments with the association of feelings of guilt?
What are we doing to ourselves?
Why do we constantly chip away at our self-respect and self-esteem against this measured mysterious worthiness bar that serves no other purpose than to initially set us up for feeling like failures when we don’t meet the expected mark?
Where the hell did this outside mysterious measuring bar of worthiness come from that we all feel we must bow to at the end of the day before allowing ourselves the earned pleasure of peaceful slumber from satisfaction of ticked tasks or doomed to either toss and turn from the restless faults of unfinished jobs and self-scolding?
There is no external mysterious unwritten universal daily achievement bar by which to measure our worthiness against!
We conjure it up in our own heads, breathe life into it with the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves and then top it up to the brim with the unrealistic assumed expectations we believe others have of us.
That’s one very big, bulging scary measuring stick of achievement to size up to each day!
Why? What purpose does it serve to measure our worth by what we can achieve in a day?
Sure, I understand that there is a certain amount of accountability and responsibility that must be afforded to ourselves and others each and every day for our worlds to go around, but if we so feel the need to measure our worth by what we achieve in a day what if we changed just a few things in that recipe to measure up too?
What if we asked ourselves if we have achieved at any point today living by what’s in line with what we hold dear to our hearts; by what we value; by what’s important to how we live, behave and breathe in this life?
Have I achieved showing kindness to myself today?
Have I achieved showing kindness to others today?
Have I shown myself compassion today?
Have I shown compassion to others today?
Have I behaved in a way that aligns with my values of being a good, kind and thoughtful mum/dad, daughter/son, work colleague, wife/husband, carer, volunteer etc?
I wonder how different we would feel at the end of each day if we half-filled that bar with measures of our values that fulfil and bring meaning to our life, rather than only jam-packed to bursting point with unachievable task driven goals that inevitably result in undervaluing our self-worth through partial completion?
Why do we measure our self-worth by how much we are able to achieve in a day?
Why?
And to future Sandra Kelly… if you think that by not sticking your head in the toilet and having it sparkly clean and smelling sweet by the end of the day just because it was on the top of your to do list makes you a lousy house keeper, useless at time management and an all-round hopeless case because mostly there only the two of you in the house these days so there is no excuse for not ticking it off the list you have forgotten three very important points…
Sometimes meaningful life gets in the way.
And
YOU ARE ONLY BLOODY HUMAN WOMAN – NOT SUPER HUMAN – or SUPER WOMAN!
And
Never ever measure your self-worth by what you think you should achieve in a day…EVER.
Sheesh!
Have you been kind to yourself today?
Do you measure your self-worth by what you get done in a day?
Oh my lovely Sandra, I ADORE this post. I’m sharing tomorrow, what a great message. We all need to remember this. Thanks for the kick up the bum. I try so hard to do all the things but just recently I’ve let things go…. life is too precious and short to do otherwise. BIG LOVE to you – Em xxx
Awareness really is the key I think Em for those of us who are prone to try and do it all… glad to hear you are taking that step back and looking at things with different eyes.
Life is to short. And as long as it does no harm to others lowering the bar can only be a good thing for all.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Ahhh ….. we women are just sooooo good at doing this to ourselves. I can verify however, that on at least one occasion this week you were very kind and very compassionate and I know that is your default setting 🙂
Oh Majella… you are good for my soul… I could say the same about you 🙂 Xx
Thanks for stopping by!
You totally nailed it, Sandra! We get so caught up in the routine and our to-do lists, don’t we? I love that “never ever measure your self-worth by what you should achieve in a day. ” That is pure gold that is! Love your work, lady!
Thanks Sammie! Since cancer I have found new perspectives but somehow some of us are hard wired to fall back into old patterns every now and then. Being aware is the key though.
Thank you for stopping by and your kind words 🙂 Xx
As always Sandra you hit the nail on the head! I love how you can describe and write about the inner workings of our brain and thought processes so excellently!
I struggle with similar issues about what I need to do each day but due to the powers that be (with bloody cancer) I have been learning to admit defeat as more often then not if I don’t get everything done . So to combat the guilt which always arises in me I give thanks for the “team” (family and friends) around me that regularly assist to kick those “goals” that I’ve set and then I start again the next day and hope I can get to peaceful slumber without stressing about the bloody dunny!
Oh that feeling of guilt Lisa that chips away at our identity is a persistent little bugga… like a bloody annoying mozzie you can’t find to swat the shit out of at two in the morning!!!
Yep, giving thanks for the team is a double edged emotion that’s for sure when you feel BLOODY cancer and treatment is stripping you of control and who you like to be. Weird how not having the energy to clean the dunny or do the dishes can become so important and something you actually long to do isn’t it.
Sending kindred self-kindness vibes your way my friend.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
I love this… thanks, my toilet is in dire need of a clean, but you know what… it can wait until tomorrow or the next day, I’m off to enjoy the evening with my little guy. Have a great weekend lovely lady. x
Good for you Sarah! Enjoy 🙂 Xx
Yet another thoughtful and provocative (in a good way) post. Something we can all identify with, I suspect.
There is an argument that might be put forward by some anthropologist who finds your blog while looking for the meaning of life (and if anyone should be reading blogs, it should be people studying human life!). They’d say we make ourselves busy because we are programmed to look after each other in social groups.
Somewhere along the line, Og was probably elected Cavewoman of the Lunar Month for her ability to keep her dirt floor swept, her rug rats off the mammoth rug and her Ug fed with something tasty, (while convincing him he’d provided it all) . And yes, she probably thought – arrrrgh, I haven’t dug the new poo pit.
Did she feel complete by managing all those tasks? Probably not. But it was the only type of measure she knew at the time: have I helped my family survive another week?
Modern woman (and man) has taken it too far. Beyond being a matter of survival or even just ‘house proud’ (what a loaded phrase), we set impossible measures of how our homes and families (and lives) should be. The bar isn’t set at ‘survival’. For too many people, it’s set at: ‘does-my-house-look-real-estate-agent-The-Block-judging-ready-all-the-bleeding-time’. Ridiculous. Unless, of course, you actually do have TV cameras tracking your every move for some even more ridiculous ‘reality’ show. In which case, you get what you deserve.
The minimalist and declutter movement that’s gaining lots of attention, arises out of this overload. We really don’t need much. And getting more ‘stuff’ won’t make us better people. We don’t need ’15 storage solutions’ and ’10 clever life hacks to XXXX (fill in the gap yourself)’.
We need less stuff to store.
We need to get a life, not a hack.
And back to Ug and Og. I’m planning on letting the kids play on the mammoth rug. And maybe dig their own poo pit occasionally.
Just as long as we use our time to be kind to themselves and other people.
You are a gem, Sandra – long may you glitter in the crown of our lives 🙂
Be, you are one wise woman! Love this! And yes “We need to get a life, not a hack”.
The last line teared me up… so kind… I can’t think of anything but ‘thank you’.
Thanks for stopping by Be 🙂 Xx
Do women really live like that? Omg, exhausting! And mean! I definitely relate to the beating myself up but, but never over how clean my house is or whether I remembered the shopping. Stop that shite immediately! Please!! x
Yeah Bron, I have been guilty of expecting way to much of myself for sure and yes, when I catch myself doing it now I utter words that are similar to “Stop that shite immediately!” 😉
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Living in a house with two small boys, I’m happy if the toilet is not a health hazard. But I hear you on the damn pumpkin. Why do we always forget the ONE thing? Be kind to yourself. We’re all out here just doing our best.
I know right!!! How annoying is that ONE thing?
After living with three teenage boys (and one girl) I’m hearing you about the toilet being a health hazard… it got better all of a sudden after I made the worst offender clean it for a few days in a row… to my standard hee hee!
Thanks for stopping by Allison 🙂 Xx
Suddenly I feel a lot better about the state of my toilet. Thank you for that!
Hey there Zoe!
Toilets should be self cleaning just like self defrost freezers I reckon 😉
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Fantastic post and just what I needed to read, thank you! I am FOREVER making lists. That is just the sort of person that I am, but more often than not, if I can’t cross everything off it, I get so frustrated with myself. Never mind it was because I played with my kids instead, or went for a walk, or actually sat down and had a cup of coffee. You’re absolutely bang on with this post. I’m coming back to read more of your words of wisdom!
Hi there Emma!
You know recently I attended Little Blog Big with Christina Butcher from Hair Romance and Carly Jakobs from Smaggle – yes, it was awesome – Christina said she stopped making a ‘to do list’ ages ago and now makes a ‘can do list’ instead. It makes so much sense doesn’t it? Takes away any self imposed expectation straight away.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your lovely comment (and I’m glad the to do list is sacrificed for time spent playing with your kids and taking time out for you) 🙂 Xx
Do you know I one went to the shop three times in one day and forgot the milk on every occasion. Oh I love this post my friend… and yes we are far too tough on ourselves. I am constantly beating myself up for not getting things done and I have to remind myself nearly every day…. the world will not end because I didnt get that done. Thank you for the reminder beautiful xx
We really do need to give ourselves a break don’t we. And thank you so much for linking to my post you gorgeous girl. I love love that you take time to stop by. Mwah! Xxxxx