Sequel to “Angry at the only-ness dummy spit”

Sorry to keep you all hanging since my last post but things have been a little busy.

The biopsy of my chest wall lymph nodes showed some abnormal cells so I’m off to the big smoke tomorrow to have a wedge taken out of my right lung where the suspect nodule is sitting and one of the unhappy lymph nodes from my chest wall removed as well.

By the time I leave hospital on Monday or Tuesday we should know what we are dealing with.

It could be breast cancer spread; a new different cancer; not cancerous.

It’s even possible the surgeon may take the whole of my middle right lobe of lung while I’m on the table. Won’t know for sure until on the day.

The way to proceed is a little messy, a little complicated and not that clean cut… not to mention a little bit crappy.

I’m over being angry now… thanks for listening… and since I met and spoke with my surgeon last Thursday I feel quite calm because he was very calm and caring and compassionate and just bloody wonderful.

I’ll tell you about him in another post… one out of the box that’s for sure!

I feel I’m in good hands and gee does that make such a world of difference.

There is so much more I’d love to tell you about the experience so far but I’m sitting here surrounded by washing, paper work and an unpacked hospital bag… it’s getting late and I’m leaving at sparrows fart so best get back to doing more laps of the house.

My fav cuz messaged me today asking how I was going.

I replied “I’m good! Just organising myself, doing laps, ya know!”

She replied “Be good if you pass go and get 200 bucks hey!”

And just like that I was smiling my way through the next lap, chuckling at her extraordinary quick wit and thinking to myself that it’s about time I started hounding her to get blogging.

Doug and I feel so loved and supported I can’t begin to tell you. We are fortunate beyond words to live in the community we live in and to be surrounded by the most kind, loving and generous family and friends imaginable.

There are no words.

Every gesture no matter how big or small means so, so much to me and my family.

One of my friends said she didn’t know what to say so she’d say nothin… then she went on to say…

“All I can say is you’re a tough bitch and I’ve got your back and never apologise for any bombs you may drop on us… not ever! If you and Dougie need anything you yell out. Just breathe and always remember… what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen”.

Then she told me she loved me… and I cried.

When your mate remembers your favourite quote and repeats it back to you adding a cracker of a last line that’s all her own, that really is one of the most beautiful “I’ve got nothin to say”  things anyone has ever said to me!

Let me tell you I feel far from alone and far from scared because if all the love and thoughts that have come my way count for anything I’m going into this next phase of being hit with the shitty stick enveloped and cushioned by a protective sincerity of caring I could never have imagined to experience.

Thank you.

Till next time… stay safe now.
Love and light to you all, Sandra x