Last Thursday was a nice day.
That sounds like a fairly boring non-descript way to start a blog post. It is a bit, but I couldn’t think of a better intro… I’m weary and it’s been a little while between writing inspo so just stick with me for another second or two before rolling your eyes and heading over to scroll Facebook… or Pinterest to drool over living room porn like I may have just been doing.
As I said, last Thursday was a nice day. I really didn’t think it would be. Any day you have a scheduled follow up appointment with a member of your health team after your cancer diagnosis and treatment is more often than not fraught with apprehension. You don’t even realise how anxious you have been until the appointment is over and you are walking out the door with your next appointment card reminder clasped in your sweaty little hand and you are breathing a huge sigh of relief believing you have escaped the clutches of your imagined impending doom.
Okay, that might sound a little melodramatic! Well no it’s not really; follow up appointments and tests have the potential to bring on full blown panic attacks and completely do your head in. Even after almost two years since the end of your treatment.
Thankfully the appointment went well, all is well and I’m darn well pleased to have another scheduled follow up ticked off with good results. I’ll have that for the next three years’ worth of varied follow ups thanks!
It was nice. But that’s not entirely why it was a nice day.
Mind you, I would have been happy with just that.
The receptionist was particularly pleasant. The health professional was extremely compassionate and kind. The people in the waiting room smiled at each other in passing as they came and went.
It was nice. But that’s not entirely why it was a nice day.
While I was in town I had to do some mind numbing tasks like buy some groceries, pay a bill or two, you know how it goes. During my spaced out walk of the dead that is so often my unintentional persona as I go about this distasteful mind fug of a necessity, I ran into (no not literally) someone I hadn’t seen for some time.
It was nice. But that’s not entirely why it was a nice day.
I almost zoned back out into my zombie like state as I continued through the deli isle but the cutest little dark haired poppet caught my eye. She looked just like Boo out of Monster’s Inc.
I could see her mother was in deep thoughtful discussion with herself over which cheese would complement her happy hour desires later that day; which she no doubt, hands down, totally would deserve. What mum doesn’t? Anyhow, mum had not even noticed her daughter dancing away from the waist up, arms flailing, head a-rocking from side to side enjoying herself to the sound of her own little beat as she swayed in the shopping trolley.
She made me smile and giggle. The little girl didn’t notice me; so joyful was she.
It was nice. But that’s not entirely why it was a nice day.
Out in the carpark I grabbed a shopping trolley for a mum parked near me with two little kiddies. We chatted a little, rolled our eyes at the simple pleasures of shopping with kids in tow, smiled at each other and went our separate ways.
It was nice. But, you guessed it, that’s not entirely why it was a nice day.
Driving home, as my thoughts bounced from one nice thing to the other that had happened that day, I realised I had felt something.
I’d felt joy. I had felt joyful, just like the little ‘Boo’ look-a-like dancing in the shopping trolley. I still feel joyful when thoughts of that day spin around and do a repeat for me to enjoy all over again, just like they did today.
Then I realised something else. I’d felt joy again before this day; before last Thursday. Like the day not so long ago I got to hang out with my fav cousins little ones and was treated to an amazing colourful manicure by them in their amazing salon (FYI being seated at the kitchen table).
To feel deep joy is such a privilege. Depression and anxiety is a confusing mix of indifferent numbness and imposing fear. For the past few years I’ve mostly felt like what can only be described as an apathetic colour blind shell appreciating only flashes of noticed sweetness momentarily penetrating my heart, only to dissolve swiftly leaving no colour tint to savour.
Last Thursday I noticed my sense of delight didn’t leave. It stayed like an emotional pigment on my dispirited being allowing revisiting thoughts to be shaded into colours of sensations experienced as feelings of recurring joy. If it’s happened before, it can happen again.
It’s nice! And that, my dear friends, is entirely why it was such a nice day!
Have you been touched by a moment of joy lately?
Linking with the Weekend Rewind crew Bron’s blog (Maxabella Loves), Kelly’s (at A Life Less Frantic ) and Sonia (at Life Love and Hiccups)
Pssst… Sandra Kelly What Lies Within is now on Facebook. I’d appreciate if you’d pop over, say hi and like my page! Click on the image below. Thank you Xx
This makes me smile my friend, what a fabulous post. So nice to be happy because you’re happy and goodness knows you deserve to those good feelings. Here’s to those fabulous feelings coming back and staying. Love and light to you lovely xx
So good to read that Sandra, little moments of coming back to life. Wish I was with you to toast it!
Hugs xoxoxo
You’ve given me goosebumps! What a beautiful story. It is wonderful to take delight in these little moments. Absolutely wonderful. But sadly it doesn’t come easily to everyone and especially those suffering mental illness. I loved this. I am not sure whether it is your ‘thing’ or not but I’ve nominated you for a Liebster Award. I wanted to extent my appreciation to you for your support because you have been there from the beginning and I really do appreciate it. I wish you many many joyful days my friend x
Oh yay… what an awesome feeling,
I love it when it happens to me,
and
I adore that it’s happening to you,
Here’s to many more fabulously nice days. xxx
I am smiling for you. I know that moment. I know what’s it’s like to recognise such a simple feeling that’s been missing for so long. Sandra. That is wonderful to hear. Absolutely wonderful.
Sandra, what a lovely read! So lovely to share your joy in wellness. Wishing you an abundance of happiness and health…. Keep on dancing your happy dance. So important! Rachael x
Thank you so much for stopping by Rachael. Sharing each others joy can be a lovely infectious feeling. 🙂 Xx
I am so lucky to feel it so often that I totally take it so for granted and you’ve reminded me what an utter gift joy is. The little moments, it’s there just waiting to be acknowledged. It brings me even more joy to know that you are in a place where you can feel it, Sandra. x
Noticing and embracing moments of joy is indeed a gift Bron. I’m glad you experience and appreciate the feeling often. Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂 Xx
Oh Sandra! What a beautiful post. I have days like this every so often where my heart is light enough and my eyes are open enough to see the joy in all the little things around me. Those days are the best. And I definitely think that any day that involves a follow up with a health professional that goes well is to be infinitely celebrated. Big hugs and happiness for that xx
Here’s to light hearts and open eyes willing to drink in those moments around us. Thanks for your lovely thoughts Kelly 🙂 Xx
A wonderful post Sandra and I’m so glad your appointment went well 🙂 I was sitting waiting for my husband and son to come back from ordering lunch at a waterfront restaurant yesterday and I eavesdropped on three small children standing near me watching the seagulls and fish swimming in the water below us. They were so enamoured and excited by the natural surroundings it reminded me to stop, think and appreciate where I was. Kids just get it, don’t they. xx
Ah the simplicity of a moment through the eyes of a child. Nothing like it. Thanks so much for stopping by Pinky and leaving your lovely thoughts here. 🙂 Xx
This post is so far beyond nice it’s ridiculous. I am literally beaming hun because I know in my heart when you can see joy and feel joy you are winning the battle. I will never forget the day I laughed again. The laughter seemed to just disappear one day and returned just as suddenly a year or so later. That day will be etched in my memory forever. Let that joy fuel you my friend, it is just a small hint of how much more of it lies ahead of you xxx
I am so smiling reading this. I loved the way you broke it down because that is the only way we experience joy, in moments. And then hopefully we get the shock of realising that joy has dominated our day. I hope you have nice, nice, nice and more delightful days to come.
Love your thoughts Kathy! Thank you so much for stopping by. Joy to you 🙂 Xx
You can’t get much better than joy, Sandra. And i’m so glad you feel and appreciate it.
Your whole post made me smile xx
That’s really sweet. Thank you so much Lisa. Hope there is joy shining on you and your family. Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂 Xx
What a beautiful post Sandra. So lovely to read you experienced that joy. Sometimes I feel like I search too hard for those joyful moments but when they appear, it’s always from the smallest things and something that I usually take for granted! We all deserve joyful moments and I hope there’s many more of them to come for you xx
Sometimes the unexpected joyful moments that creep up on us are the nicest Tash! Thanks for your kind words and for stopping by Tash. 🙂 Xx