You know, I’d really love to blame one of the “old enough to know better” children for this mess I found waiting for me amongst my Christmas decorations but I must confess… I think it was me.

In my haste to farewell the clutter and anxiety of last Christmas most of my Christmas storage boxes were a shambles. Unquestionably a reflection of the disaster I was last year inwardly and masked with great skill outwardly… hmmm… looking back I think I may have been kidding myself about the well-crafted outwardly illusion just a tad.

Anyhow, underneath and intertwined in all that sparkly mess was a beautiful hand- made Christmas decoration crafted by my sister-in-law and I was determined to set it free so it could shine in its rightful place on the Christmas tree.

I sat down grumpily to attack the task feeling my new found Christmas cheer was being dumped on by imaginary pieces of crumbling coal falling from the hands of a hovering watchful elf who heard me being very naughty instead of nice (there may have been profanity involved).

Then I stopped.

Just like that.

I had a thought! (Yes, it happens sometimes… thank you, hecklers)

And just in time too for I was about to leap across the table for the scissors and cut away the other not so sentimental decorative cling-on attachment’s decorations.

I thought “Go slowly, hold it gently, treat it kindly, give it time, it’s all precious, there’s no rush”.

Then I was crying.

Crying because I realised that for the past year, since last Christmas, that’s what I thought I had been doing for myself. Going slowly; holding myself gently; treating myself kindly; giving myself time; considering myself worthy.

But I really haven’t! I’ve been the opposite a lot of the time. Fighting my mental state; holding my fear tightly; scolding myself meanly; scathing of supposed time wasting; considering myself unworthy.

So I sat there… I sat there and I patiently and gently unravelled the entangled jumble as if I was unravelling precious pieces of myself.

Slowly, slowly.

And look what I found… tah dah!

A beautiful beaded star decoration made with the gift of time and care for someone the maker thought was worthy of such valued toil.

I sat for a little longer looking at the now free decoration…. thinking about me… thinking about my family.

Then I stood up, shook off the imaginary coal dust from that blasted hovering elf, placed the beaded star on the tree and thought “One day… one day that will be me… I’ve decided I’m determined to be free”.

And to learn how to resize bloody photo’s properly so they are not HUGE and make my thumbs look like chicken drumsticks.

 Had any revelations this Christmas?

What about hovering elves?